Karma and the choices we make...

We are responsible for the choices that we make; and these choices determine how we live our lives. Often, the options are put forth in front of us -as a result of our previous karma. Karma has a huge role to play in developing our vasanas (impressions or aptitudes for certain phenomenon carried over from previous births) - people, situation and things. Even our desires are guided to a large extent by these vasanas and we often fall prey to these and let them guide our choices. According to Sartre, the existential philosopher, we have the freedom to make choices but actually no freedom not to make choices. To a large extent, this holds true even when we are walking on the Goddess path. Even the act of not choosing also becomes a choice... but the difference here is that the desire or lack of it in this matter, is guided by what the path wants for you...

"What you want is not important, what the Goddess wants of you/for you is important..." my Master often reminds me. I used to get baffled by this statement... "How will I know the difference?" I looked at him and asked him this question once. He answered, " You will know when you have to make a choice". I was a bit confused at this. At that point, I remember telling him; "I don't want anything the path doesn't want for me... and I want everything it wants for me ..." Easier said than done, I realized later. We are all made of flesh and blood- and all the emotions resultant there of...It is also very easy to attribute our choices to the Goddess or the path, even when it is we who ultimately make the choice...

Is there a difference? Is it possible to know whether our choices are guided by our mundane desires or by the path? The answer is...Yes. But then, we will have to continually ask ourselves these questions to get the right answer. The catch here is that we take the path for granted and forget to ask these questions of ourselves. Our karmas will definitely come in our way in terms of vasanas, desires etc. But then, if we have firm faith in the path and surrender ourselves to it, the goddess energies will guide us, even as the voices around us or our own chattering mind, try to confuse/confound us.

We often slip and fall - become prey to our own desires, cravings..., but this is also alright as long as we are honest with ourselves. Sometimes, even these acts can negate previous karma or create new karmic debts. Sometimes, it is not even within our control. So, what should we do? Honestly acknowledge these and move on... Observe the lessons learnt... Be a witness to what is happening in our own lives. Sometimes, the fall is necessary to enhance the determination to re-connect with the goddess. Even as we slip and fall, we become more conscious of the need to re-connect to Spider Woman's web-the source from which all energy flows; all beings come into existence in this world. We also become more and more conscious of our role as beings that lend essence/ substance to each filament of the web, beings that emanate light - as translucent as the filaments of the web caught in sunlight...

Surrender :An act of courage and love

When  a person surrenders to the path set by the goddess, the path decides for the individual.Complete surrender to the goddess is an act that  requires tremendous faith,love and courage. It involves accepting unconditionally whatever she metes out.  Sometimes, we end up being thoroughly confused -even the confusion is part of the plan, so also the  chaos. There is no clarity without confusion as there is no light without darkness. In our search for meaning and purpose in life, we go through a lot of illusory things-people,ways of being,living, textbooks,words of wisdom that differ and defer reality etc.When the goddess energy is set in motion,we tend to get carried away and begin to think that we have been chosen to bring light to the world.Goddess takes immense pleasure in breaking these myths we have about ourselves and turning our world inside out,when we least expect it. This is one way of breaking the sadhak's ego.

Intense focus on the goddess energies gives the individual tremendous  power-power over the people and everything else in their world.Often,people stop at the point where they receive power. This is where sadhana ends  and the spiritual ego takes over.It is imperative for an individual to move forward and that he or she surrenders any super natural powers acquired  back to the Goddess.Often, this is a litmus test.People, addicted to the glory of their own experiences, become unable to get out of the power trap.It also becomes difficult to recognize that Goddess is the only reality and everything else is Maya or illusion.The mirror that reflects the sunlight, forgets it is only  a  mere mirror and starts perceiving itself as the source of all light.It is also the play of the goddess to see whether the person is able to get out of notions of self hood or hallowed existence.

At every stage, the goddess tests us. It can come in the form of events ,persons,  situations,emotions and perceptions. All temptations are thrown  open to the gullible spiritual passerby. It is important not to get carried away and wallow in  passion, ego, attachments to things material and non material.Surrender to the path involves the ability to take things in their stride as they happen and not carry them in our minds.There is a famous Zen story of two monks.Two monks were walking on the road one day when they saw a beautiful woman. She looked at them and asked them if they could help her cross the road. The first one immediately went forward,   lifted the woman up onto his shoulders and carried her across the road. The second monk was quite baffled by this act. He started wondering why the first monk who was a great Master did  what he did, but he couldn't bring himself to ask the question. Many days later, he found the courage and asked the Master  why he carried the woman across the road. The Master turned around ,looked at him and said, "I left the woman at the other end of the road that day .Why are you still carrying her?'

Surrender is also the ability to see all  beings as the emanations of the eternal light or darkness -since they are both one and the same.It is a continuous journey back into the world of the Spider Woman Grandmother where all connections and interconnections woven by the filaments become one with the goddess at the centre of it  as the de-centred energies coalesce in its dance on the prostate body of Shiva/Matter/Pure consciousness or nothingness, as people experience the union of the two in their own selves/lives

Connecting with the Goddess

The act of connecting / re-connecting with the Goddess is an activity that requires tremendous grace. One needs to surrender oneself completely to it and let it guide our actions. Often, this is easier said than done. All of us are born with our egos, intelligence, intellect - these along with our culturally acquired manners of living/being and perception- often come in the way of total surrender.   "God! Save me from the light of my own intelligence". Thus goes, a quote from one of the Upanishads. Initially, when I saw this, I was baffled. "God has given us intelligence, so why should he save us from it?" I wondered. Over a period of time, the meaning of the sentence became clear, thanks to the grace of the goddess. It is the ego attachment to intelligence that Upanishads is talking about- not the higher or cosmic intelligence.

The surrender to the Goddess involves accepting with equanimity whatever she puts in your way - joy, pain, suffering, anxiety, disease, death, boredom, tiredness, restlessness or sheer apathy. To do this, one needs tremendous faith, courage and patience. It is a constant and continuous journey -with frequent setbacks - which makes us realize the need for grace. Sometimes, one gets the feeling that one is right back at the place where one started. The path makes us humble constantly and reinforces the importance of seeking the guidance of the guru or the goddess energy whenever our spiritual ego takes over.

 As a child, I grew up listening to Mahishasuramardini Stotram- the tale of how the goddess killed Mahishasura. Initially, I used to be fascinated by the story of the war - goddess killing the demons, the victory of good over evil. Later, as I grew up, I started interpreting this as the victory of the Woman power over the patriarchal society.  Little did I realize then that, these demons were not external to us- we all have Shumbha, Nishumba and Rakthabija within us. It is also not just a matter of gender but rather a matter of ego and lack of balance which makes us unable to "Walk in beauty", as Navajos would say. Ignorance as well as intelligence can create a lack of balance which only the Kundalini energy or the Goddess can dispel.

King Mahishasura, according to the legends, had acquired tremendous powers through his tapas; and this made him invincible. He became the Master of the three worlds- heaven, earth and nether worlds; could conquer time; was so powerful physically, materialistically and spiritually that he could even evade death. He could be killed by no man or God. Sadhana, intense meditation or concentration on the path/goddess gives people a lot of power and this often feeds the Spiritual ego. The spiritual practitioner/sadhak's ego deludes him /her to believe that it is s/he who is performing the act and forgets that s/he is just a medium through which action takes place and not the initiator of the action. When a person becomes too conscious of the acts or get attached to them, this feeds the ego and leads to the separation/division.  This separation or division causes individuals to exert or exercise their power indiscriminately over others, thus leading to acts of destruction. This is when the kundalini energy or the goddess decides that enough is enough and kills the person who disrespects this serpentine energy and her gifts. This is what happened to Mahishasura- the kundalini energy or the goddess killed him when he became all too powerful.

The process of connection needs to happen in a regulated manner. If it is unregulated, the body or the consciousness will not be able to take the supra mental force that is unleashed within a person. So, the process of connection or re-connection happens with the help of a guru/master or a medicine man who himself /herself has undergone a similar process of initiation or regulation. This again requires one to be open, patient, humble and ready. When a person is really ready to connect/re-connect with the goddess energy and ardently wishes for it, the guidance or help is sent in the form of the Guru/ Master.

Separation and Re- Connection

The archetypal stories in many primitive cultures talk about the stories of division of consciousness which resulted in the individual's separation and alienation from the larger group- tribe or community. This alienation often results in the individual losing his/her way and in turn, becoming a victim of internalized oppression- violence, alcoholism, abuse etc.  Tayo, the protagonist in Leslie Silko's "Ceremony" gets alienated from the web of his Laguna Pueblo community, loses his way, becomes ill and his healing is affected through his re-tracing the filaments of his community's web by ritualistically re-enacting the story of alienation and re-connection with the help of the medicine man Betonie.
In India too, the tantric traditions often through ritualistic processes affect the re-connection of the individual to the goddess energy within him/her. Separation of consciousness results in division, violence and pain and we often end up in a state of duality that makes us say " You are that". A rationalistic approach is often used to justify the workings of the brain over the brawn - this furthers the division.

 Art and architecture of the much-celebrated Age of Reason in Europe perceived emotion as crude and vulgar and made a mockery of it - probably it resulted in misogyny too, as evidenced in the case of writers like Jonathan Swift.  While the Occident clearly experienced and lived the stories of separation and division, the Orient was to a largest extent, spared of this because of the goddess cults prevalent in these cultures. Goddess was perceived as the symbol of a unified consciousness - a way of being which celebrated the combined power of Yin and Yang within the individual and in the social fabric.Tales of the goddesses also provide individuals with paradigms for living/being.

Thought ,Woman and Being

The power of thought to manifest into corporeal forms has been the subject of philosophical/ theological discourses across the world. Many Native American religious traditions perceive that all creation emanated from the thought of Spider woman, the Creatrix. This belief in a Creatrix who the originator of all thought is can be seen in the primitive cults across the world.

In India, the flux in the consciousness of Parashakthi and her desire to play on the body of Parameshwara or Lord Shiva resulted in all creation. In fact, the Shakta tradition reiterates the role of the Goddess, the Supreme Energy force creating/manifesting everything we see around us and investing them with Life. Parashakthi is also worshiped as Chit shakthi, the Supreme consciousness behind all things manifested. Coatlique, the Aztec mother goddess, Kótyangwúti, Spider Woman, Learin, the Aeoliran goddess, Amaterasu, the Shinto goddess, Badhdb, the Irish goddess- all these goddesses are worshiped as the creators of the world and originators of thought from which all beings sprung into existence.

Over a period of time, primitive traditions were obliterated to a large extent by the influx of patriarchy; thought, woman and being became separated in the mainstream Western cultures' perception of itself. In the binaries that categorized gender equations, "feelings" were separated from thoughts, and they were attributed to the woman as something that was inherent to her. Feelings were considered to be irrational and inferior, and the logic of thought was applauded and encouraged, and this played a larger role in the construction of gender roles and definitions that came into existence. Thought took the form of rational thought -devoid of emotions- and this was perceived as a prized virtue in men. The separation into binaries resulted in a division of consciousness from which humanity never really recovered- this resulted in wars, destruction of cultures, intolerance etc.

People broke away from the filaments of the Spider woman's protective web which sustained them with its light and fell into an abyss of loneliness, separation, distrust and fear. The Thought Woman Spider bewailed and waited for the return of her children into her web - where they could experience light, love, and unity-a place where Kundalini Shakthi, the female energy moved and merged with the cosmic soul/consciousness in a non- duality cherished.